Imposter Syndrome In Evaluation: A Student’s Perspective
by Letitia Koen, LPN, BHSc., MSc student
This article is rated as:
When I first started my graduate practicum at Three Hive Consulting, I was excited to put all of my learnings from my post-secondary education into practice. However, during the first few weeks, despite months of program evaluation coursework at both the undergraduate and graduate levels, I began to second-guess myself:
Was I asking the right questions?
Was I asking too many questions?
Did I know everything I should about evaluation?
What if I didn’t know something?
Was I qualified enough to support any evaluation activities?
That creeping doubt sat on my shoulders, like a little friend, nice and close where I could hear everything it was saying.
The First Encounter
My self-doubt and lack of confidence didn’t show up for the first time during a big presentation or a complex data task. It hit me when I struggled to organize myself and navigate Microsoft Teams. I felt overwhelmed by the sheer number of channels, tasks and sub-links, as well as the various chats, folders, and notifications. Everyone else seemed to move through it effortlessly, while I was frantically trying to figure out how to share my calendar with colleagues!
I had come in ready to apply evaluation theory, but I hadn’t expected this to be the first speed bump in the road to make me question my abilities. My difficulties adapting to Microsoft Teams set the stage for a lack of confidence and feeling underprepared that snowballed into further feelings of self-doubt. Later, I caught myself questioning whether I was qualified enough to develop initial evaluation questions for a project, as I had never done it before as a professional working in real-life evaluation, with real projects, people, and data that needed to be collected, analyzed, and reported. I lacked full confidence in several tasks I was doing and frequently requested reviews and feedback on my work. I started to question whether I was cut out for evaluation work altogether.
Navigating the Feelings
At first, I was hesitant to ask questions because I didn’t want to seem incompetent. But I continued to ask questions anyway– sometimes small ones like “Where do I find that folder again?” or “What exactly should this data collection tool encompass?”, or big ones like “Can you please review and provide feedback on the survey that I developed?” – and to no surprise, all of my colleagues were kind and helpful! It reminded me that asking questions doesn’t make you less capable or look incompetent; it makes you more connected and steers you in the right direction. I also kept a reflection journal of every task or activity that I completed, including their successes and challenges. When I read through it prior to my midterm evaluation, I realized self-doubt doesn’t always stem from not knowing enough; it can also come from being in a new space, outside your comfort zone!
Confidence-Building Moments
One of my small wins was recovering a document that mysteriously disappeared from the shared drive and ended up in a deleted folder. Then came the moments where I felt I could actually contribute. I was tasked with developing indicators, data collection tools, and a focus group guide, as well as analyzing qualitative data. When I shared my work with my practicum supervisor, she said, “this looks really great!”. After using the guide I developed to run the focus groups, she also said: “The guide you created worked really well…I almost didn’t even have to probe or ask many follow ups because the first question sent this group on the right track”.
Seeing my work being used and receiving positive feedback was a valuable learning experience, and it provided evidence of my capabilities that boosted my self-trust and confidence. I learned that I am capable. I can contribute in a meaningful way. Self-doubt gradually transformed into motivation, pushing me to take on additional tasks, seek more feedback, explore new tools and responsibilities in the evaluation space, and collaborate with various other colleagues. The more I worked with other colleagues, projects, documents, tools, etc., the more the “out of sync” environment started to feel “in sync”. The entire space started to feel more familiar. I still have so much more to learn, but I feel a lot less like an imposter.
Advice for Fellow Students and New Evaluators
If you’re a student or new evaluator stepping into the world of evaluation and feeling like an imposter, lacking confidence and consumed by self-doubt, you’re not alone. There may be many new and unfamiliar things in your environment, such as experienced colleagues, new platforms, tools, etc., that can make you lack confidence in your abilities to succeed in the evaluation space. Here are a few things that helped me, and might help you too:
1. Ask questions
It’s easy to think you should already know everything. Working in a new environment can also be disorienting. Asking questions early and often shows curiosity and interest; it does not reflect your skills, capabilities, or belonging. Even seasoned evaluators say that asking questions makes you a better evaluator. Asking questions can serve as a compass, pointing you in the right direction.
2. Seek feedback
It can be scary to ask for feedback when you already lack confidence in your abilities. However, feedback can serve as a roadmap that helps keep you on track when you get off course. It also provides an opportunity to connect, which can make the new journey less isolating. So, ask for feedback early and often.
3. Celebrate small wins
That moment when someone says, “This looks really great!” Hold onto it. Take it in! These affirmations are proof that you’re growing and you’re capable! Small wins are like trail markers on an unfamiliar path. They reassure you that you’re on the right path, and every marker is a sign of progress that can motivate and remind you that you’re moving forward.
4. Reflect often
Self-reflection is powerful and one of the cornerstones of evaluation. Writing down what you’ve learned, what challenged you, and what you’re proud of can help you track your progress, identify areas to work on, and shift your mindset to recognize that you are learning, growing, accomplishing, and ultimately becoming more competent in your new role and new environment. A reflection log is like a travel log that helps make sense of your journey – places you’re happy that you visited, places you would still like to see, and preparations you may have to consider before embarking on the next adventure.
Imposter syndrome may not disappear overnight. However, with support, reflection, time, and small celebrations along the way, it can become a stepping stone rather than a stumbling block that holds you back in your evaluation journey.
Have you ever experienced imposter syndrome in your evaluation work or studies? Let us know what helped you move through it in the comments below!